How do I find true love?

Understand the different meanings of love

Love is a crazy thing. It is a word that is widely used and widely misunderstood. We love our dog, our ice cream, our family, our God. It is no wonder that oftentimes in our relationships, we become confused about “love”…he loves me, he loves me not. What does it mean to love? What does it mean to be “in love”? How should we treat each other after we say “I love you”?

The Greek language has four fancy words for love which boil down to these:

1. Family Love (mom, dad, siblings etc)

2. Brotherly Love (close friends)

3. Sexual Love (between a man & a woman)

4. Neighborly Love (toward all human beings-requires the mind to control the emotions)

Of these, neighborly love becomes the most noble because it requires the greatest sacrifice. When we find true love, we will desire to have #4 guide #3. We will desire to sacrifice in order to seek what is best for our beloved.

Recognize some of the qualities present in true love

Truth

True love always respects the truth. If two people need to lie to themselves or the ones they love in order to maintain their relationship, they have not found true love. They have found themselves in a pathetic drama that will only lead to pain and suffering when ultimately faced with the truth.

When Tom took Susan out for the second time, he took her hand, glanced into her eyes and spoke the words, “ I promise to be true to you”. What did these words mean? He would marry her some day? He would always be by her side? No. They meant exactly what he said…he would be truthful about his intentions, truthful about his feelings and that he would never mislead her. He also promised to pray to the Sacred Heart of Jesus for guidance on how to proceed…essentially, that he would do his best to take care of her heart! When two people find true love they seek what God wants, because He is truth itself. They are more concerned with His will than their own.

Permanence

When two people find true love, they respect the meaning of “permanence”. There are a lot of songs out there that talk about the fire going out in a relationship…”well I just fell out of love” True love never extinguishes because it is not a feeling or an emotion. It does not come and go like the passing wind. It is a decision. Love is a decision…I choose you…I am chosen by you and love you in return.

Love does not mean “forever” until they have spoken forever on the altar. Until then, they find ways to express their affection and respect for one another in nonsexual ways. They know that having sex with one another without first expressing their love before their God, family & friends would turn their bodies into a lie. They cannot fully give their bodies until the time is right – until marriage.

Knowledge

To know is to love.

Kelly remembers a time in her life when she was so lonely that she wrote a letter to her future spouse telling him how much she loved him…she remembers calling him nameless and faceless, but still professing her love to him. Kelly was expressing the deep desire that exists in each of our hearts to love and be loved…but she had not found true love. The reality was that she was painting a picture of a man who was not real…he was a fantasy…and you can't truly love a fantasy because it is just not real. The same can happen in our relationships sometimes…we have such a desire to love and be loved that we put qualities in a person that are not really there. We fall in love with a fantasy. We must know in order to truly love.

Sacrifice

Love desires to give until it hurts. If a relationship does not call two people to die to themselves in order to become a gift to the other, they have not found true love. In true love, two people become a gift to one another and in doing so draw one another closer to God.

To listen to sample audio clips, click here to be directed to the Listen Live page.