Who am I?​
Who am I? 
I am Anna Elaine Ibanez
By blood I am Irish-Hispanic
By citizenship I am American
By identity I am beloved.
By faith I am a daughter of God the Father entrusted to be perfected by His one holy Catholic Church.

As to my calling I strive to live with my feet on Earth and my heart in Heaven.
 As to my mission I believe it is to heal and speak truth through the grace and will of God;
Heal the culture and reveal the truth through authentic goodness and beauty.
As to my heart it beats with and for the love of Jesus and His most venerable mother Mary.

I am a sinner, saved.
I am an imperfect soul being perfected by the mercy and love of Jesus.
I am broken and continually being healed.
I am no good apart from the grace and love of God.
I am incapable of any good or love apart from Jesus.

He allowed me to break down and built me back up.
He stripped me of every vain label I gave myself.
Everything I thought I was by my own accord and showed me how dependent I am on Him.
I never want to be apart from Him again.
He showed me who I truly am.
I am beloved.

I am loved and I choose now to love.
I long to love until it hurts.
Only then will I know I have given everything I have.
I strive to live wholeheartedly and authentically everyday.
I am holistically and passionately pro-life.
I integrate my pro-life philosophy into my interactions and care for all people.

I am His and I desire nothing more,
everything else is simply a beautiful gift.  
Nunc Coepi, AMDG

Inspired by St. Teresa of Calcutta’s identity statement: “By blood I am Albanian. By citizenship I am Indian. By faith, I am a Catholic nun. As to my calling, I belong to the world. As to my heart, I belong entirely to the heart of Jesus.”

faith, identity, Catholic, mission, truth, beauty, goodness, mother teresa

​Hi.
​Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in travel, poetry, photography, painting, and writing. AMDG

ANNA IBANEZ
​Portfolio of  nurse seeking Christ in all conditions.

Portfolio of nurse seeking Christ in all condition

From my inbox, an email from a high school student named Jeremy:
​
“Dear Matt, first I want to say I really like your blog. One of my teachers actually mentioned it in class once after you wrote something (she didn’t mention it in a good way lol) and I went and looked you up so I’ve been following you ever since. I know you get so much email so I don’t expect you to see this but in case you do I wanted to get your opinion about something. You write a lot about relationships and everything so I’m wondering if you think abstinence should be encouraged in school?

Reason I’m asking is because we are doing our sex ed lessons in health class now and the topic has come up. Yesterday my health teacher was talking about safe sex and someone mentioned abstinence and she said it wasn’t realistic. She said it was an out dated way of thinking and the people who push for it are out of touch because they were probably kids a long time ago. She said sometimes sex can be more casual and isn’t always a part of something serious. Then she asked how many people in the class are sexually active because she said it was important for people not to be ashamed. Almost all the guys in class raised their hands but I didn’t. They were all talking about how sex doesn’t have to be something for marriage or long term relationships. I always wanted to wait for marriage and I hope it’s not weird for me to say that. They said in class that we should be more accepting of sexual expression that doesn’t conform to older ideas. But I still always wanted to wait for marriage. But at this point I feel like an outcast or something.

I read something you wrote about dating once and it seemed like you were saying that people should wait for marriage [to have sex]. What do you think about what my teacher said? Am I weird for not really wanting to go out and hook up with girls and stuff and instead wait for marriage?”

Dear Jeremy,

Yes, it’s weird for you to want to wait until marriage. In spite of the hyper-sexualization of our culture; in spite of society’s decaying moral sensibility; in spite of all of the messages that bombard you every day through every available medium; in spite of the pressure from your classmates; in spite of the bullying from that fool of a “health teacher,” you STILL stand tall and resolve to save yourself for your future wife.

Man, that is weird. It’s also awesome, inspiring, courageous, and extraordinary. Not to mention, Jeremy, you’re doing the RIGHT thing. You’ve got more character than most adults in this country, and you should be commended for it.

Speaking of adults without character, please ignore everything your “health teacher” says on this subject. I have to put quotes around her title because it doesn’t sound like she’s doing much in the way of teaching, and whatever she’s blabbering about has very little to do with “health.” She seems to think there’s a “safe” way for emotionally immature juveniles to have casual sex. Maybe she’ll follow up this performance by advocating “safe drunk driving.”

Dude, I had to go outside and breathe a little before I even attempted to write back. There is so much I want to say about this woman and the nonsense she spews. In any other context, an adult would probably find themselves on a statewide registry if they went up to a bunch of kids and asked about their sex lives. But this was “educational,” so it’s cool. The most charitable possible interpretation I can muster is that she’s an overgrown gossipy teenager who thinks she’s at a slumber party. “OMG you guys! So who here has had sex??? Let’s play truth or dare!!!!” A less charitable translation of her actions would lead me to the conclusion that she was actively attempting to pressure and humiliate people like you. And not just you, Jeremy. You said every guy in the class raised their hands? Yeah, a lot of them were lying, because that’s just the sort of thing dudes lie about.

So, Mrs. Health Teacher has singlehandedly declared sexual morality dead, has she? With one scoff and wave of her wand she’s buried thousands of years of insight into the topic? Anyone who advocates such things must be “old” and “out dated”?

Hmmm. Well, this tattooed 27 year old former DJ happens to be on your side, man.
God forgive me, I’m not old fashioned at all. I don’t think you are, either. Truth only seems old fashioned nowadays because we’ve grown so accustomed to deceit and manipulation. But Truth is eternal, so it can never be old or new. It never ‘was’ or ‘will be.’ It just ‘is.’ It always ‘is.’ Truth never grows old, and if you believe in it and try to live by it, you will always be, in some ways — the only ways that matter — the youngest, freshest, most energetic rebel on the block.

So here’s the point, Jeremy:
Our culture tells a lot of lies about sex. Your teacher is one of the liars.

There’s plenty of ignorance on the subject. Plenty of confusion. But it’s the lies I hate. The lies that come from people who know better. The people who have made mistakes and now encourage others to make them, too.

You could ask any married person who slept with other people before meeting their spouse (I wouldn’t recommend actually asking this, I’m just trying to illustrate a point here): are you happy about it? Are you glad that you gave yourself to someone other than the person you now love eternally? If you could go back to those times, would you stop yourself?

Was it worth it?
Really, was it worth it?
Do you wish you could say that your spouse is the only person who has experienced these intimate, sacred moments with you? Are you proud that there are other men or women in the world who have seen this side of you? Are you satisfied that what you give to your spouse is now secondhand?

If they tell you they feel happy or neutral about the fact that they gave themselves to someone other than their spouse, you’re dealing with someone in a very dysfunctional marriage. Any honest person in a healthy relationship would tell you they’d erase those moments from their lives if they could. They can’t, of course. Nobody can. We can’t live in the past and harp on our mistakes, but this all leads to an important point: the myth of “casual sex” persists, even though many of us — millions and millions — have seen it for what it is. Marriage as an institution is in rough shape, but people still do get married in this country. That means millions have had to look at their spouse and say — probably silently in their own heads, deep in their subconscious — “I have nothing new to give to you.”

It’s a tragedy, really. It’s a shame. You deal with it and you move on, but “casual sex” has taken its chunk and you’ll never get it back.

Yet few will speak against the predators and perverts in media, Hollywood, and Academia who promote this “casual sex” deception. There should be armies of people opposing it, but instead there is only a small, fringe group of cultural insurgents; the ones we point and laugh at and accuse of having a “boring” and “outdated” view of sexuality.

This is another lie. Casual sex proponents are the ones who have turned sex into something trivial, banal, utilitarian, pointless, joyless, one-dimensional, lifeless, lonely, and disappointing. How could the ones who hold it as sacred also be the ones who make it “boring”? No, it’s mainstream culture that’s made sex boring. It’s mainstream culture that is, in fact, afraid of sex. That’s why we spend so much energy shielding ourselves from every natural aspect of it, other than the physical sensation itself.

And the ones who believe it to be so much more than that are the ones who make it “boring”? THEY are the ones who are afraid of it? They embrace all of it, every part of it, and they are the ones who “hate sex”?

Ridiculous. Casual sex is a lie. It’s a lie that rests on lies and breeds lies and turns people into liars.

We’re told that we are sexually “liberated” if we throw ourselves at strangers and give ourselves over to people who couldn’t possibly care less about us. This is yet another lie. If modern attitudes about sex have “liberated” us, what, precisely, have we been freed from? Security? Commitment? Trust? What, we’ve broken the Shackles of Purity and Love and run gleefully into the Meadows of Pornography and Herpes? Because that’s all that our sexual liberation has wrought. A lot of confusion, a lot of porn, a lot of disease, a lot of emotionally desperate, psychologically battered, spiritually broken people wandering around, searching for another stranger who’s willing to go in for a few more rounds of sterile, shallow, pointless sex.

Let freedom ring, right?
Libertas, madam Health Teacher!

It’s quite interesting, though. Casual sex has liberated us, yet casual sex produces so many regrets. The landscape is rife with people who have felt the sting of our “hook-up culture.” But where are the people who regret abstinence and monogamy? Sure, some people, while married, think they regret having not “played the field.” Then they play it. And then they learn what regret really feels like.

Even the term “casual sex” is insane. It’s an oxymoron. Denim is casual. Restaurants can be casual. Casual: without serious intention, careless or offhand, informal. A high-five is casual. Sex can only be viewed in this same vein once we have dehumanized ourselves enough to see human sexuality as something no more significant than a pair of jean shorts.

Describing sex as “casual” is like describing the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel as a “nice little doodle.” That’s what I can’t stand — the people who diminish and cheapen sex are the ones who get to pass themselves off as “sexually enlightened.”
It doesn’t surprise me that your crackpot health teacher pulled out the “sexual expression” line. She teaches in our schools yet she doesn’t even understand the words she speaks. To “express” means to SAY something. It means you are indicating something of meaning. When you “express yourself” you are conveying a message about your thoughts, feelings, and character. So shouldn’t we, rather than encouraging sexual expression for the sake of it, encourage MEANINGFUL and POSITIVE sexual expression? In the context of commitment and loyalty, sex expresses something. It expresses: “I love you. I give myself to you.” But what does casual sex express? “Use me and I’ll use you.”

That’s an expression, alright. An awfully sad, pitiful expression. You’re right to have no interest in going down this road.

It sounds like you want to express a different message: self-respect and maturity; honesty and integrity; patience.

And, when the time comes, you’ll express love. Then, you’ll be able to say that you only ever expressed this sort of love to the one person who deserves it. And you’ll both be better for it.

So, in summation, your health teacher is full of it.
You’re on the right path. You’re a rebel. Keep going.
​
Thanks for writing,
Matt

This article was originally posted on The Matt Walsh Blog

By Dawn
​
I am honored to have been asked to share a part of my story.  My story has a very sad history starting from the beginning, but I won’t go as far back as my childhood. It is so easy for me to say that what happened to me then is why I have done what I have done within the last 10 years. But the truth is, in the end, it was always my choice, my actions and I have no right to place the blame on anyone else, no matter what kind of upbringing I had.

There are so many people in our world who have no idea what God’s intentions are for them when it comes to their sexuality. We are surrounded by the media, by society, even by friends & family who tell us it’s ok to do what feels good right then and there. They tell us it’s normal, it’s natural and it’s healthy to fulfill our desires in that moment. But the truth is, it’s not. ​

There’s a Bible verse that most are familiar with; “Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” (Mt 7:7 NRSV*), but I tie it with another verse; “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, in order to spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:3 NRSV) I believe many of us ask for things to fulfill our own desires, our own pleasures, and our own wills.

There are many of us who feel, once we have learned the truth, it’s too late for us. We have gone way past the P.C. days (Pure & Chaste) and entered into a whirlwind of lust and sin that seems impossible to get out of.

The amazing thing is, nothing is impossible with God.

I remember in high school saying, “I want to wait until I’m married!” even when my aunt told me that I should live with the person so that I know what it’s like to live with them before we “tie the knot.”

I remember saying, “I am going to wait until I’m married.” even when my friends were calling me a prude, the “Good Girl,” because I didn’t follow their actions.
I remember saying “I am waiting until marriage.” even when men I went out with tried to seduce me into their beds.

When I entered college, the influences around me started to take hold. Between my friends and my family, TV shows and the movies, magazines and music, there was a question that entered into my mind; “Why? Why wait until I’m married? What’s the point?”

The more and more I fell into the dating scene, the louder and louder that question became. Pretty soon I came to the conclusion that there is no point in waiting. No man is going to want to marry me unless he knows what I’m like in bed.
So my “I’m going to wait until marriage.” turned into, “I’m going to wait until I have a real boyfriend.”

That real boyfriend came along when I was 20. He was tall, dark and handsome and a musician at that. We talked comfortably with each other, we laughed, we had fun and I thought, “He’s the one.”

Then the fateful day, October 12, 2000 (that’s right people, us girls, we remember the date), my boyfriend and I left campus and went to his place where both of us lost our “innocence.”

Here I thought it was so romantic. We were both virgins, and we gave ourselves to each other. How perfect it was. But no sooner had I thought that he really was the one, I was submerged into heartbreak. He dumped me 3 months later because he “just didn’t feel that way anymore.” I cried for months because of him; my first sexual scar on my heart. Anything before this moment, in regards to dating and men, was just a bruise. He actually cut me and cut me deep.

There was something of a dark cloud that came upon me. I couldn’t shake it and what was worse, this dark cloud seemed to attract all the wrong men; men who took advantage of my sadness, men who took advantage of my loneliness, and men who took advantage of my brokenness.

I was searching for “the one.” I was searching for someone to want me. I was searching for someone to love me. I was searching, but I was searching in all the wrong places. I went to the bars, I went to the clubs, and they were loaded with potential someone’s, right? At least, that’s what I was hoping.

Before I knew it, I went from wanting a boyfriend to accepting “Friends with Benefits.” I had hoped that this person would see that I’m not like the rest of the girls, I’m different. I gave into his lust hoping that in time he would notice me.

What came from my “Friends with Benefits” was far more than I expected and at that time, far more than I wanted. In February of 2003 I found myself getting sick a lot. At first I thought it was an allergic reaction to a new cell phone I got, because it was only when I used it that I felt nausea. Then the thought, “You are pregnant” came to mind. I was like, “there is no way.” But still, the thought persisted, so I went and bought a home pregnancy test and took it at my work so that I could hide the evidence regardless of what the answer was. I didn’t want my family to know that I was having sex, let alone that I might be pregnant!

When I took the test, I found myself in a public bathroom stall, staring at a positive sign and balling my eyes out. These were not tears of joy that parents usually have when they find out they are going to have a baby. These were tears of complete and utter fear. What was I going to do? I didn’t have money to take care of myself, let alone a child. The person who was the father barely acknowledged me outside of the bedroom. What was my family going to think?

After a good hour or so of crying, I finally called up the father to have the “talk.” He met with me and in my streams of tears and choked up voice and finally just showing him the sticks (yes “sticks”, I took it twice to make sure), he finally understood.
What he said to me, will stick with me forever;

“I’m not ready to be a father.”
“Well, I’m not ready to be a mother.”
“I’ll help you take care of this.”

 At the time, I subscribed to the Pro-Choice argument. At the time, I had agreed with Pro-Choice. I thought it was ok if the woman didn’t want to have a child, but found herself pregnant, to be rid of it. My thought was that it would be better to abort the child than to let it be born into a family that never wanted it. The very idea of someone else growing up with a family without love seemed far worse to me, than never entering that life in the first place.  The thing is, I never thought I would do it myself.

March 1, 2003, one of my best friends walked into the abortion clinic with me. After a fight I had with the father, I told him not to come with me and so he didn’t. My friend went with me, even though she was against the idea, but she stuck by my side. Plus I needed someone to drive me home after.

A few hours later, I walked out of the clinic, empty.

It is said that when a person hits rock bottom, that is when they turn to God. Unfortunately, that is very true for me. I say unfortunately, because my whole life, I wanted nothing to do with God because of the kind of childhood I had. He couldn’t really be a loving God to allow what had happened to me as a child to happen. But it took this event to change me forever.

If I thought there was a dark cloud hovering over me before, this action swallowed me up in darkness. Whether it was a good thing or not, I was able to hide my depression fairly well. No one knew what I did, what had happened to me or what was happening to me. All people saw was a smiling, happy Dawn, but they had no idea that in the silence and darkness of my room, I cried myself to sleep every night.

It really is true that God can speak to us in dreams, because it was in a dream that I learned and understood exactly what I had done. In my dream, I kept the child, which happened to be a boy. But in my dream, I hated him. I didn’t want anything to do with him. My friend had to help me take care of him. It wasn’t until I thought my son was in mortal danger that I snapped out of my hatred to rescue him. When I did, he looked up at me and smiled. This smile woke me up in the middle of the night and once again I started to cry. But this time, for the first time, I said, “I am sorry, God, for destroying your gift to me.” and I meant it.

Even though, in the darkness of the night, I truly repented for what I had done, the darkness didn’t leave me, at least, not right away.  This turn of events ended up getting me kicked out of the house, not for what I did, but for what I was doing. I was in such a case of depression that I had shut out my family, who in turn, not knowing what to do with me, shut me out too. With this, I had to leave school and work full time. Yet because of this was also how I got invited to go to church. My friend invited to me sing with her and the band that sang at a Life Teen Mass every Sunday. Just so that I could continue to sing, I said sure, why not.

Two years later, I received all 3 of the Sacraments of Initiation into the Catholic Church. For the first time, I openly confessed what I had done to my unborn son. The priest listened and was very gentle with me and even absolved me of all my sins even though I was getting baptized in a week. But it didn’t stop the tears and the ache that was in my heart.

The journey I took over the next four years was still very painful, very empty, very lonely and had me feeling like I was a lost sheep. But for once in my life, I didn’t look to men to fill the emptiness in me. I finally turned to God.

It was John the Baptist who said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30 NRSV) That was exactly what the journey was for me. Four years of emptying me of past longings, past wants, and past sins so that He could give me the greatest healing, which I received one year ago, on Aug 15, 2009, during the Goretti Group’s Race for the Chaste Conference.

On this night, I was before the Blessed Sacrament and God told me to be quiet, to be still. Though I fought it at first, because I wanted to sing the awesome songs, I did quiet myself and just listened. I was lying down in the back with my eyes closed for a few minutes. When I opened them, there before me was Jesus, smiling at me.  In his arms was a beautiful little boy, and he, too, was smiling at me. It was in his smile that I knew, this wasn’t just any little boy, but he was my little boy. Jesus was telling me that it’s ok, that I am forgiven. But what was more, when I sat up and saw the Eucharist in front of me, there too, I saw my son running up the aisle toward me with his arms open wide saying, “It’s ok mommy, I love you.”

Tears were rolling down my face again, but this time, for the first time, they were tears of happiness.

My son has been praying for me this entire time. It was because of his love and his forgiveness that I found the healing and the love I had been searching for for so long.  Jesus had to empty me so that He could draw me closer to Him and so that He could fill me with Himself who is Love, Forgiveness and Purity. He wanted me to be surrounded by His Light.

We all must remember that healing can happen.  It’s not too late. Yes, it takes time, but if we let Him, Jesus will empty us of all that hurt, darkness and sin so that He can fill us with Himself and be made anew.
​
*Scriptural quotes were taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible.